Another Chance?
by ki10-fuzzball
Summary: Set at the end of season 4. All Susan wants is another chance. After so long with no communication between herself and her heart she is ready to give it one last chance, the object of the affection  Marcus.  Is it too late? Adult themes  non explicit.


Characters, settings etc all belong to JMS. no offence meant fanfic only.

adult themed but non explicit.

please review - your comments are welcome.

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**Another Chance?**

It was late, Susan paced back and forward in her quarters. She looked towards the bottle of vodka sitting there – calling to her. "I'll help you forget" its silent promise echoed in her head. She didn't want to forget though. She wanted him back. She wanted him to knock on the door, ask if everything was ok and smile when she told him to go to hell.

Everyone she had ever loved was gone, been incredibly bad for her or been a waste of oxygen. Every time she gave in, thought 'maybe this time it will last' she was hurt again. After Talia she had vowed nobody would ever get close enough to put her through that pain again. She would lock away her heart, throw away the key and never give in to its foolishness again. But he had to be so damn persistent. A locked door was just more of a challenge and if his locksmith skills were lacking then he would simply hack away at the hinges. All those times she had been mean to him. Her words were so often cruel while his were always carefully chosen to bring a smile to her face. Her threats met with his selfless acts of generosity. Her Russian hotheadedness never dampened his unquestionable loyalty. His last selfish act – leaving her to face life without him.

She remembered a conversation with Lorien after he had helped her track down the remaining Old Ones. How she had assured him of the lack of communication between herself and her heart and that he has countered with some rubbish about the illusion of eternal love being the greatest thing races with short life-spans possess.

She remembered the battle against the Shadows & Vorlons and how Marcus had swapped places with Lorien when he had gone to join Sheridan and Delenn. Thinking back that had been a foolish move – it meant the shuttle had to make two journeys in the hostile area and not just one. Nevertheless she had been glad to see him there – and not just because of her lack of fluency in Minbari. She had just felt safer when she had seen him. Her heart had felt overjoyed and another crack had appeared in its almost impenetrable casing.

If only she had done something then. In the few precious hours that had separated the Old Ones going beyond the rim and the fight starting in earnest between the Station and Earth. Maybe the outcome would be the same but at least he would have known that she felt the same way towards him.

Damn Lorien! His words had made her consider giving her heart one more go. If the Old One was here now he could have brought Marcus back to her – even for a little while like he had done for Sheridan, just long enough for them to give into the illusive illusion of happiness. Hell even just one night of passion would do. She smiled remembering his admittance of never having been involved physically with anyone, and the thought that she might have been the special person he was waiting to give himself to. Had he been going to say that when the Whitestar had picked up a sign of one of the Old Ones? The problem was he had given himself to her and hadn't held back. Now both him and his purity were in a cryogenic storage.

She hated the idea that she was alive at his expense. If the situation had been reversed would she have given up her life for him? Would she have had the courage to hook herself up to the machine and lie by his side as her energy drained into him? Would she have been brave enough to make sure no-one could stop her in time or would she have left a way in to medbay and secretly hoped someone would get there and stop the process before it was complete? She wasn't afraid to face death, but that was different – it wasn't pushing someone out of danger or facing death on a battlefield. It was slower and the consequences were clear before the action was begun. The awful truth haunted her; if the situation had been reversed she doubted she had what it takes to be a hero – she couldn't have used the machine.

Feeling angry and exhausted she grabbed the seductive bottle of clear liquid from the shelf and slumped onto the couch.

"Susan." A soft voice with an unmistakable English accent whispered in her ear. He was standing behind of her.

"Marcus!" Her elated heart allowed no pretence of anger.

She turned to face him but he always seemed just out of her sight.

"Now is not the time for games, Cole." The annoyance in her voice was vying with the pleading.

"You sure? I always liked 'I Spy' or maybe 'The Game of Life'."

"That is not funny. I thought you were dead. Why the hell have you put me through the last few days" She turned again, standing up her vodka again forgotten – but he was too quick. "I thought you liked me? I know I've been ignoring it, but please don't tell me I've been ignoring it for too long."

Marcus continued evade her gaze.

"I was thinking. Maybe I've been too harsh on you. Maybe I should have given you a chance. We have both lost so many people. Neither of us has much left to give. So much has been taken away…"

Finally speaking he whispered on her other ear: "I'm all in your head Susan."

She was sure she could feel him breathing on her neck. It was better than nothing so she stood perfectly still. "Dammit Marcus, I'm serious lets give it a go," she said softly, the fear in her voice revealed how huge a statement that was coming from her lips, and tears started to form as she whispered: "I need you."Marcus said nothing, so she continued: "for the past two years every time things have got too much you have been there with some sort of irrelevant comment to cheer me up. You have annoyed the hell out of me and made me believe that maybe, just maybe, the entire universe isn't against me. You have been watching over me for so long and…"

"We can't Susan. I've already given you all that I am." "Stop it! I'm trying to tell you how I feel. It isn't easy.

"Ever think that maybe some of my consciousness is wandering about inside your head?" He paused and Susan was sure he was blushing "You want to do what to me?

"Marcus!" Susan exclaimed turning a similar crimson.

"I'm not sure that is even humanly possible to do that." He continued regardless. "Not at first attempt anyway…

"Marcus!" She shrieked. Knowing exactly what he was referring to, and the stamina involved Closing her eyes she dared to utter: "It'd be fun to try though."

"Susan, why did you take so long to admit to that?" Marcus sounded serous and somewhat distant.

"I was scared, but we have another chance now – don't we?

"No Susan, we don't. Not unless you can find a way to bring me back. You have to go on, be happy and live for us both.

Susan swung round quickly, hoping to catch him off guard so he didn't have time to move from her sight. The only thing she caught was her face on the floor as she abruptly awoke as she fell off the couch.

"Dammit!" she exclaimed loudly.

Grabbing the unopened vodka like it was s important to her as favourite toy is to a child she headed out the door of her room and towards the medbay. She spoke to nobody on the way – it was almost 3am almost the hour of the wolf - very few people roamed the corroders at this time and those who did all thought better of asking how she was doing.

She walked straight to the cryogenics bay she was looking for but was surprised to find Dr Franklin there.

"I thought you might come here again."

"Have you been watching me, Stephen?"

"I'm a doctor - this is my medbay. I know what happens in here."

"Clearly not all the time," Susan retorted harshly."

"If I could have stopped him I would. If I could bring him back I would. He was my friend Susan, and so are you. You destroying yourself wont help either."

"I want him back Stephen. I can't sleep – anytime I do he is there talking to me – watching me."

"So you drink to forget?" Stephen indicated to the bottle she holding tightly on to.

"No. I don't want to forget." Susan followed Stephen's gaze to the bottle she held and looked at it in astonishment – not sure what it was doing there. "Dammit Stephen, if I was half the person he was – is - I would have myself frozen too so that however long it takes I'll be there exactly how he remembers me when he wakes up. I owe him that.

"He wouldn't want you to do that. He gave up everything for you so you could go on living and he gave it freely. If you put yourself in stasis you wouldn't be the strong, ambitious, determined woman he fell in love with. We'll find a way to bring him back soon but right now I don't think I could face loosing two good friends in such a short space of time."

"I just wish I'd given him a chance. Even just for one night."

"Still wishing you had 'boffed' him then?"

"Mention that again and I swear you'll have a run-in with an air-lock." Susan replied, half-heartedly. He resolve was breaking and the tears she didn't know she had left in her welled up "I miss him."

"So do I" Stephen said as he pulled her close and held her tightly as she sobbed.

For a few seconds Susan let herself imagine it was Marcus that was holding onto her, but the realisation that it wasn't made it all the harder and she knew she couldn't be here on the station without him, because every time she opened a door or turned a corner she would expect him to be there. She would have to leave until he was brought back – it was too hard. Finally she regained some semblance of control and pulled away from the doctor, noticing his eyes were also damp

"You off duty?"

"Yes, I've been doing extra research on, uh…." He looked towards the cryogenic unit holding Marcus's body.

"Go clear up then walk me back to my quarters, it is almost half three – you aren't going to find any answers tonight. We shall drink to his memory and all the good times we have had on the station. I just want to say goodnight first."

Dr Franklin looked at Susan and how broken she seemed. When Sheridan had been missing, presumed dead she had seemed bad but had continued with her duties – an empty shell going through the motions, but now she didn't seem to have the strength to put up the façade of absolute control the crew of the Station expected. If she didn't improve soon he might recommend some anti-depressants or at least some sedatives if she was having trouble sleeping. He walked away to give her a few moments alone.

When Stephen had left Susan whispered "Hurry back to me Marcus, I'll be waiting for you and when I'm done beating seven shades of hell out you for putting me through this, lets give it a go?"

As she walked away, vodka in hand a tiny voice in the back of her mind whispered in an unmistakable English accent "I'm all yours."

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-hopefully the punctuation & layout are now sorted (crosses fingers) 


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